“ABC News via Getty Images My second pregnancy ended quietly, with none of the sharp cramps that marked the end of the pregnancy Meghan Markle grieves in her recent New York Times piece. While her life may bear no other resemblance to mine, she, I and at least 20% of women share the tragedy of miscarriage. But while we share in it, most of us never talk about it. We don’t share it with people; perhaps we even tell ourselves we’re OK. Who would even know to ask “Are you OK?” and start the healing process Meghan describes in her article? My pregnancy only lasted long enough for my waist to thicken sufficiently that my partner’s mother privately noted that I’d gained a couple of pounds, and for me to crave starchy carbs. An eight-week scan showed a perfectly round, imperfectly empty, egg sac. “It’s probably too early,” said the gynecologist, on a Friday evening, in the Spanish clinic in the next town from our vacation rental. But this pregnancy hadn’t felt right for days. Somehow I knew it wasn’t too early. It was too late. Too late for whatever it was that had begun forming and, it turned out, had stopped, probably at about six weeks, leaving behind the beginnings of the placenta that continued to produce the hormones that were making me want mashed potatoes. “I’m prepared for the fact there might be nothing there,” I told the doctor. “I know this kind of thing can happen.” He agreed with me, his own wife had experienced two miscarriages before the birth of their children. Not that anyone asked, but if they had, I’d have said “I’m OK.” And I thought I was. I didn’t cry then, nor at the 10-week scan that showed the blob, now banana-shaped, as my body began to miscarry. I was “OK.” If OK means feeling not so much sad but a burgeoning sense of secret guilt. Several people would be able to attest to my calm, pragmatic assertion that something had felt off about this pregnancy and that I wasn’t expecting the next scan to find a suddenly less camera-shy fetus. Curled up on the sofa that night as my body set about rejecting the blighted ovum, I said, “I just want it gone.” Even at the hospital four days later I was fine, smiling even, in a photo taken of me gowned-up on the hospital bed before they put in the pessary that made me nauseous with cramps. It was almost over and I was “OK.” After all, I’d made it without painfully miscarrying at home over the long, and terribly timed, holiday weekend. But inside, I was stacking up the case against myself. Hadn’t I left it recklessly late to have children, the first at a few years into the “geriatric” pregnancy age range, and this second two years later? “It’s almost as if you wanted to lose a baby,” my internal prosecutor said. “You are aware, surely, of the stats that show a 1 ~에 3 chance of an early miscarriage at your age?” Was I feeling OK because maybe I hadn’t wanted this baby enough? 또는, worse, had I done something to bring about what was called an aborto spontaneo in Spanish ― a spontaneous abortion ― as if it were something my body had carried out at the whim it had detected from the supposed mother? In the nights after the operation, unable to sleep and Googling, phone glowing under the sheets, I found the evidence on spurious websites and forums. It must have been the super-strength ibuprofen tablets I’d taken for a nasty bout of pharyngitis before I knew I was pregnant. Ibuprofen, one site somewhere down the rabbit hole said, could cause problems with cell division in a developing embryo. And what about the raw organic apple cider vinegar I’d gargled at the same time, which another site claimed was potent enough to cause miscarriage? It was my fault. I was my own worst cop, chief prosecutor, judge and jury, sentencing myself to a life of wondering what I should have done differently. But still, I was OK, I thought. Although when a friend announced her pregnancy on Facebook a few days later, the familiar due date put me off congratulating her for months. Logically I knew these things happen, that I had no reason to think I would have any problems carrying a baby to term in future. But somewhere under the logic, the fear and mistrust had settled in. Fortunately, by the time my friend’s baby was born a few days before that shared due date, I was three months pregnant. Pregnant and paranoid. I refused to take a home test, knowing now that it could only prove conception and not a successful pregnancy. I booked the first scan as late as I could, ~에 13 weeks. I only told my partner at 10 weeks and no one else found out until it became too physically obvious to pretend. Even then, I didn’t relax until I’d reached the 28 weeks when a fetus could be considered viable and likely to survive if my body decided to spontaneously terminate again. I was lucky. My pregnancy resulted in my second, longed-for child, but it was a long time until I was truly OK. Perhaps if I had taken better care of myself by opening up to people and giving them the chance to ask if I was OK, I would have healed faster. I certainly should have been asking myself that question more. I hope Meghan Markle checks in with herself, and that those supporting her and her husband continue to ask, “Are you OK?” Because miscarriage is short, but the recovery and grieving are long. 허프포스트에 실렸으면 하는 흥미진진한 개인적인 이야기가 있나요?? 여기에서 우리가 찾고 있는 것을 찾아 우리에게 피치를 보내십시오!
폭스 뉴스’ 제랄도 리베라: 트럼프는 지금 나에게 말을 하지 않는다
112 견해0 코멘트0 좋아요
["Fox News의 Geraldo Rivera는 화요일 도널드 트럼프 대통령이 조 바이든 대통령 당선자가 선거에서 승리했다는 사실을 인정하기 때문에 그에게 말을 하지 않는다고 말했습니다.. 보수적인 평론가, 누가 설명...
트럼프 행정부는 새로운 COVID-19 제안에서 실업 혜택을 Lowballs
144 견해0 코멘트1 좋아요
["백악관의 최신 경기 부양 제안은 일회성으로 제공됩니다. $600 대부분의 미국인에게 지불금과 실업자들을 위한 석탄 한 덩어리. 스티브 므누신 재무장관이 제안한 새로운 제안 $3...
바이든, 주택장관으로 마샤 퍼지 선출, 농업용 Tom Vilsack
88 견해0 코멘트0 좋아요
["워싱턴 (AP) — Joe Biden 대통령 당선자가 오하이오주 의원을 선택했습니다.. Marcia Fudge는 주택 및 도시 개발 비서이자 전 농업 장관인 Tom Vilsack이 행정부에서 그 역할을 다시 수행합니다.,...
지우다: 수백만 명의 미국인이 COVID-19에 감염되는 것은 '굉장합니다.’ 그리고 '강력한 백신'’
130 견해0 코멘트0 좋아요
["도널드 트럼프 미국 대통령은 11일(현지시간) 코로나19에 감염된 미국인의 수가 많다고 비난했다.,"그 모든 사례가 "강력한 백신"으로 작용한다고 거짓 주장. "나는 백신이 ...
끊임없이 불평하는 동료를 다루는 방법
124 견해0 코멘트0 좋아요
[]["Getty ImagesComplainers를 통한 fizkes는 다른 곳에서는 들리지 않는 것처럼 느끼기 때문에 귀하에게 갈 수 있습니다.. 연민으로 그들의 불만을 처리하는 방법은 다음과 같습니다. 누구나 썸에서 끊임없는 불평을 만납니다..
MSNBC, 라시다 존스 사장 임명, 주요 케이블 뉴스 네트워크의 역사 만들기
175 견해0 코멘트0 좋아요
["MSNBC, 차기 회장으로 라시다 존스 지명, 그녀를 주요 일반 뉴스 케이블 네트워크를 운영하는 최초의 흑인 임원으로 만들었습니다., 월스트리트저널이 보도한. 존스, 현재 수석 부사장으로 재직 중인...
Bill Nye는 마스크가 성가신 '침과 코딱지 방울'에 바이러스를 보관하는 이유를 설명합니다.’ 앳 베이
151 견해0 코멘트0 좋아요
["Bill Nye는 금요일에 게시된 TikTok 비디오에서 안면 마스크의 과학을 설명했습니다., 코로나 바이러스의 확산을 막는 효과가 "이해하기 어렵지 않다"고 강조했습니다. Nye는 두 개의 맵을 공유했습니다...