The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (Nov. 28-Dec. 4)

“The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or fewer. Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups. Sign up for our Funniest Tweets of the Week newsletter here. Reasons I hope I never get murdered:1. Scary2. Sad for loved ones3. My neighbors will be interviewed in the documentary and I have never interacted with these people— Katie Nolan (@katienolan) November 28, 2020 How did y’all find out Santa wasn’t real? My grandma straight up told me “I’m not letting some white man take credit for my hard work I’M Santa Claus!” 😂— SCAM GODDESS (@DivaLaci) November 29, 2020 no they’re not “symptoms of depression.” they’re blues clues— meredith (@dietz_meredith) November 30, 2020 I may have done a lot of embarrassing things in my life, but my older sister actually once found a cabbage patch kids birth certificate in my moms filing cabinet, started screaming at and accusing our mom of hiding our “brother” Clyde Fabian from us, and she was like 15— chloë (@chloeevansj) December 1, 2020 A little about me— Andrea Hickey (@andrea_h1ckey) November 28, 2020 Spotify Wrapped be like, you spent 6,000 minutes listening to news podcasts about humanity’s decline but found time to unwind with a touch of murder.— Amanda Duberman (@AmandaDuberman) December 2, 2020 is your love language really acts of service or are you just an eldest daughter shocked at the thought of someone else completing a task or responsibility for once— s 🌙 (@srirachapetosi) November 28, 2020 me: i’m so sad and hopeless and directionless my brain: buy stuff me: no listen i need a purposebrain: a purchase?— dirt prince (@pant_leg) November 29, 2020 Excusing all my horrible behavior this month by saying, “Oh well, it’s Christmas!” And giving a big ol cute shrug.— amber ruffin (@ambermruffin) December 2, 2020 he’s having a main character moment— afrah (@goldenberryx) November 28, 2020 White wine drunk: I need to text everyone I’ve ever met to tell them I love them and download a dating app!Red wine drunk: I am going to plan a murder that cannot be solved— Sara Levine (@saralememe) November 28, 2020 if i missed your call 10 seconds ago & i call back….why aren’t you picking up? in this thesis i’ll be exploring those 10 seconds— miski 🛸 (@musegold) November 29, 2020 ‘oh, yeah — that’s a muscle too’— me, the day after physical therapy, always— Bim Adewunmi (@bimadew) December 2, 2020 But if Biden has an all woman communications team, what’s next? Woman doctors? Woman lawyers? Woman mothers? The Womandalorian? That’s not my America.— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) November 29, 2020 my mom offered to make me a sweater since she’s bored at home, and i asked for one in black with some red accents, and she said that michael’s is out of those shades for the moment, so she picked the next closest colours, which were somehow creamsicle orange and baby blue.— Scaachi (@Scaachi) November 30, 2020 It’s gonna be so embarrassing when I still want to cancel plans and stay home— Morgan Parker (@morganapple) November 30, 2020 trader joe’s cashier: have a good day me: love you too— Isabel Steckel (@IsabelSteckel) November 30, 2020 So excited to start my new advent calendar <3— G. L. DiVittorio (@ginadivittorio) December 2, 2020 “Soy milk” lol no ur not— kalechip :$ (@justcaem) December 2, 2020 when you think you find a niche hot person (only hot to you) and then you realize they are in fact hot to lots of people? RUDE!— Niccole Thurman (@niccolethurman) November 30, 2020





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