“Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! My four year old, when asked by a friend at day care why she has two mums and no dad, told her that her dad was eaten by a shark.— Kate (@BakeKater) November 18, 2020 The good news about the four month sleep regression is it can’t happen if you’ve never had a progression!— Emily Favreau (@emilyfavreau) November 16, 2020 The most unrealistic part of the mandalorian is that he finds babysitters everywhere he goes— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) November 16, 2020 My three-year-old son keeps calling him the Credible Hulk and it’s funnier than anything I’ve ever done or said.— Sean O’Connor (@seanoconnz) November 16, 2020 Until I became a parent I had never heard a human cry because they bumped their head on the roof of a blanket fort— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) November 16, 2020 I regularly mix up my kids names and my dogs names, but yes please put me in charge of their education this year— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) November 19, 2020 People: If you’re just going to make fun of your kids on Twitter all day, then why did you have them?Me: For starters, these jokes weren’t going to write themselves.— The Dad Briefs™ (@SladeWentworth) November 16, 2020 Me: Listen. I just wanna enjoy my tea and sit here for a bit. This is my alone time.My 6 year old, leaning his elbow into my lower abdomen: Sounds good. I’ll have alone time with you.— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) November 17, 2020 They lied. Parenting doesn’t get easier. It gets louder, covered in acne, and more expensive.— Sarah Cottrell (@HousewifePlus) November 16, 2020 Wow. Who would have ever guessed someone would get injured playing *checks notes* “crotch darts”?!?!*side eye at both my sons crying in the fetal position in the hallway*— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) November 16, 2020 What has the pandemic taught you?Parents: No matter how overwhelmed we get we can always get more overwhelmed.— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) November 15, 2020 Inside a toddler’s stomach: pic.twitter.com/b1sLizwcyE— The Dad (@thedad) November 16, 2020 My daughter will procrastinate anything by sitting on the potty for 15 minutes at a time, so clearly she’s practicing to be a dad— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) November 16, 2020 My 7yo drew a self portrait, gifted it to herself, and hung it up on her wall. From now on, I’m making her my life coach.— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) November 17, 2020 I was having a bad day and then I watched my kids step on the Legos I asked them to pick up 3 times, and now I’m having a good day.— Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) November 18, 2020 Parenthood is just one long never-ending chore of moving things to higher and higher shelves.— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) November 15, 2020 As I was texting, my phone changed babies to rabies and perhaps I’ve been judging auto-correct too harshly all this time.— A Bearer Of Dad News ✊🏾 (@HomeWithPeanut) November 14, 2020 I just sneezed and my kid shouted from his bedroom “bless you dad!” which is adorable. You know what else is adorable? GOING THE FUCK TO SLEEP— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) November 19, 2020 I AM THE BEST AT PARENTING DURING A PANDEMIC! NOBODY DOES IT BETTER THAN ME!!❗𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗺 𝗶𝘀 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗽𝘂𝘁𝗲𝗱— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) November 16, 2020 My favorite part of remote learning is my 11yo getting mad at me when I suggest he do the things his teacher says he should be doing.— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) November 16, 2020 Good morning to everyone except my toddler who is mad because I wouldn’t download a pregnancy app instead of a new game for him to play with on the iPad— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) November 15, 2020 My 3yo thinks the Beatles are Paul, George, Pingu and Joe Lemons and he won’t be taking any further questions on this— MumInBits (@MumInBits) November 14, 2020 I never thought my sons second grade teacher would see me via laptop in pjs trudging across my living room to go make coffee. I hate living in the future.— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) November 18, 2020 Having kids desensitizes you to absolutely insane behavior. My daughter just pulled up her shirt so the neck was around her face and starting dancing a jig while playing this tiny harmonica necklace she was wearing, and we all just smirked and went back to what we were doing.— SpacedMom (@copymama) November 14, 2020
