The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Oct. 17-23)

Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! 3 unravelled an entire toilet roll when I wasn’t looking so I wrapped him in it, stood him in the corner of the bathroom and told him to spin round slowly when someone needs to use it— MumInBits (@MumInBits) 十月 20, 2020 Buy your toddler clothes with lots of snaps and buttons if you’ve ever thought it would be cool to do a puzzle that tries to kick you and run away while you solve it— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) 十月 20, 2020 5yo: Mom is 47!Husband: She doesn’t look a day over 40. Me: I’m 37.— Jessie (@mommajessiec) 十月 20, 2020 I have to have a zoom call with my first graders teacher because she wrote “stupid poop” in the class zoom chat today.— Sweatpants Cher (@House_Feminist) 十月 22, 2020 Kids really overestimate how much parents want to guess things.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) 十月 17, 2020 watching annie with the kids and now they want me to put them in an orphanage so a wealthy person can adopt them— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) 十月 17, 2020 I went through 21 hours of labor and 3 hours of pushing with no drugs and nothing about that prepared me for the intensity of living with a smart-mouthed tween.— Sarah Cottrell (@HousewifePlus) 十月 19, 2020 My 4 year old just counted to 20 by twos. Feeling like the best parent ever, I followed up by asking where the fuck she learned to do that because it totally wasn’t from me.— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) 十月 18, 2020 My favorite toddler memory is when my daughter called her trail mix “nut snack”. I can still see the stunned faces of friends and family when she’d casually say things like, “I love eating nut snack,” or “mommy, taste my nut snack!”— Rhyming Monster (@sarabellab123) 十月 22, 2020 Nearly lost my kids in the park todayWould have gotten away with it too if an old lady didn’t help them find me— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) 十月 18, 2020 I guess it’s time to get my Sunday going. These kids won’t yell at themselves.— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) 十月 18, 2020 My 4 year old just said, \”Daddy, you’re a good cook, but Mommy is even BETTER.\I tried so hard not to react, but the truth is I’ve been waiting my whole life for this moment.— Meena Harris (@meenaharris) 十月 19, 2020 Me: get off that Xbox, it’s too violentSon: what can we play instead?Me: come sit down. this is hangman, an educational, family-friendly game where you get executed if you’re dumb— The Dad (@thedad) 十月 18, 2020 The elementary school was playing The Killers as morning announcements lead-in music and one of the children asked if it was oldies. I may never recover from this savage attack.— Andrew Knott (@aknott21) 十月 20, 2020 Today our 4yo insisted on a large bowl of Golden Grahams, banana, and milk for breakfast, so long story short, my breakfast was 99% of a large bowl of Golden Grahams, bananas and milk— Dad on my Feet (@dad_on_my_feet) 十月 17, 2020 I was reading a book with my 7yo where a teacher was getting married and INVITED ALL HER STUDENTS and then the students started SECRETLY PLANNING THE WEDDING to help out and I was so stressed out like \wtf, how is this gonna pan out, these kids don’t know how to hire a band\— SpacedMom (@copymama) 十月 19, 2020 Sure, trick or treating is off the table, but that doesn’t mean Halloween is cancelled. My child and I will he celebrating the old fashioned way, by burning an artisanal pentacle into our floor and summoning spirits from the netherworld— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) 十月 19, 2020 This year for Halloween decorations I’m just using printouts of the school emails— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) 十月 22, 2020 You know how we put out the set of good dishes when company comes over? Is it possible to have a set of good kids to put out as well? Asking for parents everywhere.— A Bearer Of Dad News ✊🏾 (@HomeWithPeanut) 十月 18, 2020 6 AM]Child coming out of bedroom]: What language do babies think in?Me rubbing temples]: it’s way too early for this— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) 十月 17, 2020 Dear parents, Here is another oddly named website your child needs to log into or else they will fail at life. I will send you a one-time code that will only work for 37 seconds and you can email me between noon and 12:15 yesterday if you need help. Thx for your partnership!— Farah Miller (@farahlearned) 十月 20, 2020 If I learned just one thing as a parent, it’s that by the 3rd kid they can be juggling samurai swords and hand grenades and you won’t care as long as they’re doing it quietly.— bacon popsiclestein ☎️ (@Gupton68) 十月 18, 2020 They’re handling contact tracing all wrong. What they really need is to hire a team of relentless toddlers looking for their mothers when she’s just trying to shower or pee alone.— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) 十月 19, 2020 KIDS: can we get a pet?ME: no, I’m allergic KIDS: to cats or dogsME: to inconvenience— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) 十月 18, 2020

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