The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Oct. 31-Nov. 6)

Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Waiting for the election results is nothing. My 5yo’s been finishing her dinner for the last 3 days.— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) 十一月 5, 2020 My husband was surprised to learn that my daughter’s Wednesday swim lesson was being held on a Wednesday again.— Jessie (@mommajessiec) 十一月 4, 2020 Me: this day is stressing meI need a drink.3yo: here ya go dad *hands me his milk*Me: got anything stronger?3yo: yep! MOM CAN YOU GET DAD A CHOCOLATE MILK— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) 十一月 3, 2020 My kid texted me a list of things he wanted from Safeway and there was an entire section about cake pic.twitter.com/YtULdR2khi— andi zeisler (@andizeisler) 十一月 2, 2020 Me to my kids: Please be patient.Also me: Refreshes electoral map 37 times a minute.— Becca Carnahan (@with_love_becca) 十一月 5, 2020 Anyone hoping for a peaceful transition has never had to pull a toddler out of a Chuck E. Cheese.— Julia Segal (@juliasegal) 十一月 6, 2020 \”ELECTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES\I scream, drunk at the PTA meeting before writing in Oscar the Grouch as PTA President— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) 十一月 4, 2020 Growing up as the oldest, I used to think my sibling was annoying. Now, as a mother raising two young children, I realize I was right you younger siblings are straight up hot mess pains in the ass— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) 十一月 2, 2020 Child: Can I have help with my homework?Me: Sure. Which one are you on?Child: #3.Me looking]: Well, I can tell you that #1 和 #2 are wrong.Child: THOSE AREN’T THE ONES I NEED HELP WITH— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) 十一月 2, 2020 \”Well, he won motherfucking Vermont.\” – me to my infant son just now— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) 十一月 4, 2020 A consequence of having kids is always having rotten bananas too. There is no way to buy the right amount of bananas for kids.— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) 十一月 1, 2020 This feels like when I was in labor for 40 hours and even on the highest dose of pitocin I was having minimal contractions & the baby hadn’t dropped but I was still holding out for a vaginal birth and then finally the doctor was like “your uterus is overheating”— Doree Shafrir (@doree) 十一月 6, 2020 4-year-old: *draws a person*Me: Why does he have two different colored eyes?4: He got punched.Me: Why?4: He knows why.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) 十一月 3, 2020 I love when childless people say ‘I’d never let my kids do that.’ Mark my words: when you become a parent, you’ll gladly hand your kid the iPad and a donut for ten minutes of peace and quiet.— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) 十一月 5, 2020 I hereby claim victory in achieving my pre-pregnancy goal weight and demand that my body stop counting the calories I’ve consumed (in carbs and alcohol) since election results started coming in yesterday.— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) 十一月 4, 2020 Some of you never maniacally refreshed your online wedding and baby registries to see what gifts had been purchased, and it shows.— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) 十一月 5, 2020 My baby’s first tooth is coming out and so she’s just been howling for 24 hours and it’s exactly what I think today should sound like— amil (@amil) 十一月 4, 2020 A big part of parenting is teaching your kids how to do things on their own, and then redoing them the right way as soon as they aren’t around.— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) 十一月 6, 2020 My kids’ 1st grade teacher just flexed on the students by making them all practice writing: I HAVE NO JOB— Real Life Mommyon the cusp of hope (@reallifemommy3) 十一月 6, 2020 To entice my 3yo to poop in the toilet, we told him he gets a Kinder egg if he does itHe now poops in small deposits multiple times a day and asks for the chocolate each timeHe’s a genius— Kids_kubed 🇨🇦 (@Kids_kubed) 十一月 4, 2020 I asked my son to unload the dishwasher & he immediately started doing it. 2020 is wild.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) 十一月 6, 2020 Asked Kiddo for some advice, since she knows how to eat with lost teeth (since I got my molar extracted) she told me to, \”chew through the pain.\I laughed out loud!— Jacques Nyemb (@jnyemb) 十一月 3, 2020 It’s not just the thought of starting over that keeps me from wanting more children, it’s the fact that we simply cannot afford school pictures for another kid— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) 十一月 2, 2020

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